My Meditation and Mindfulness Journey
I've been meditating somewhat consistently for about a year now (June 2020). This note aims to capture the path that took, including tools and experiences.
I captured the early parts of this in a blog post here:
Q3 2019 - Breathe
I got a new iphone in June of 2019, and after a few months I started using Breathe in 5 minute doses.
I found the time in the evenings, or after runs in the park. I'd do one if I felt in a hurry, or two if I was patient enough.
My experience using the app was mind-expanding.
These few minutes were very mind- 'full', as I let my brain run wild rather than try to stop it. I came out of these session bursting, needing a pen and paper to write down as many keywords, to unload a slew of new ideas. It felt powerful!
Some friends I shared this with pointed out that this was mindfulness, not meditation, and that these were distinct. This annoyed me when I heard it. I felt like I'd found a treasure trove of ideation! This was a good thing, and had to be what meditation was for. (Nope).
But as I continued to observe my mind reviewing my day, wandering my emotions, and processing everything, other aspects of meditation started to leak in and reasonate with me.
I'll note here that I have been journaling for years, that I'm vaguely haunted a fear-of-forgetting and that I am definitely capture-obsessed.
The 5 minute breath sessions started to remind me of my journals - it was a chance to try out some feeling about something, to focus on it, to process it. I really felt like I was taking time to process my emotions. Work was stressful and busy at the time, and this was like pre-playing and re-playing the passed and upcoming events.
The thing to note about the Breathe (and later Calm) sessions was that sitting in peace for a few minutes would dramatically improve my mood. It was like magic. I would go sit and come back 15 minutes later feeling light and, well, calm.
Through my Calm and Headspace usage, I sometimes turn on Breathe to help settle in for the first 5 minutes. Lately I've appreciated that I can use Breathe to do a quick 5 minutes WITHOUT using Calm or Headspace.
Q4 2019/Q1 2020 - Calm
Around this time I was toying with the Apple TV a bit, and found the Calm app on there. Mostly I wanted a decent background, some peaceful interactive thing that I could leave on, almost as a window in my small apartment.
I started sitting to listen to the Daily Calm. This felt like a big step because these bits were 10 minutes long, twice my usual 5. Soon, I'd bought into whatever the Calm plan is (I think it's $7/month?).
I tried the 30 day intro to meditation course on calm and loved it. It was exactly what I needed, and had great coverage on meditation basics. Each lesson is 10 minutes and guided, which helps you figure out what you're supposed to be doing. I tried hard to get a streak going, but new habits are hard. My first listen through of the course took 60+ days. When I finally finished, I wanted to start again, and did a decent run through of it again. I still go back to some of them.
It's hard to start new habits! I was aided not just by the streak tracking, but also social pressure - a friend and I were pushing each other into it more and more.
There are other great listens in the Calm app. The Daily Calm is great, and I did the whole of Lebron's 'Train Your Mind'.
I've also done the mindful walking a few times. That's kind of a stretch...
Q1/Q2 2020 - Headspace
I hit a nice streak in Q1 - around 40 days. This was a minimum of 10 minutes of Calm, sometimes two sessions.
But I noticed that my practice was not that great - distracted, struggling to focus. I needed something more than just trying to redouble my energy.
I asked some friends about their daily practice, and one recommended Headspace.
Getting into Headspace was smooth. The animations do a great job of giving a visual for some of the concepts. I wish I could grab links to some of them, but they don't seem to be sharable.
I started with the Basics 1, 2, and 3 courses, and have since done Balance, Restlessness, and now Creativity 1. Each course is 10 days, and pretty well focused. Optimistically, I feel I am adding more tools to my meditation toolbox.
Having spent a year trying to add meditation to my every day life, In Q2 I hit a 60+ day streak. The daily routine was a 10 minute from Calm (usually the Daily Calm) and a 20 minute meditation from Headspace.
The streak feels both good and bad. Eventually I'll miss a day. Missing is ok! Sometimes I question the motivation of the streak. Either way, it's definitely motivating.
Lately
Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind was recommended to me, and I'm trying to absorb as much as I can. I hope it becomes a part of my practice!
Backlinks
A chance to turn an addiction into a healthy habit.
I've been a bit lazy and built of a 1-0 bullet chess habit. Can't stop! My thumbs do it automatically when I pick up my phone or feel the slightest bit bored or restless.
These are not relaxing games! By the end, I find myself tense and curled up around the phone, my spine coiled and my breath short.
I do enjoy it - it's a win-some, lose-some. It doesn't build good chess habits, but there is joy in checkmate, and in pattern recognition.
Anyhoo, it's a fine addiction to turn around - I feel my concentration slipping, so now I hope to use the lichess pull to instead do a meditation. That ought to strengthen me in some solid ways. Maybe a one to five-minute apple-watch-breathe session, or a ten minute daily calm (love that concentation gym!).
See also: my meditation journey.